bag full o' penis

it's sex ed. time and we have a great young woman comes in from planned parenthood to teach it...thank goodness! as you can imagine sex ed. with 12 9-10th grade boys is quite disturbing, especially since half of the students have had more partners then me...or on the flip side a couple are so immature they don't even know they have a penis.
here are some direct quotes:

- on child birth video: "man, that looks like a cabbage patch kid coming out of an afro!"

- after discussion on the male reproductive system: " sooo you mean i got all that in my pants?!" "i used to say rape when the dr. touched my penis but now i've grown quite fond of it!"

- a student trying to recall the word hormones: "you know, those sex bugs"

- one student who couldn't "take" sex ed. because he was sure the teacher was of questionable moral standards: "i have whore radar!"

- on the term pre-cum: "sex is like basketball, you always dribble before you shoot"

- on female parts: "female thang-thang", "the door"(vagina), "the house"(uterus), "can a girl's package swell up and if it does, can she walk?" on the clitoris: "do dudes have that too?!?!"

- "i like intercourse, outercourse, but not around the course!"

today was practicing putting on a condom day; and not like so many other schools, we do not use banans. our students were given a bag of appropriate colored dildos to choose from and pass around...some dove right in and others shyed away. one particular boy was so mortified by all of this, he has autism and his dad is a pastor, i had to hand him his dildo. when i went in to grab a big one, i spilled the bag all over him. he freaked out, ran out of the building, hopped the fence, and injured his ankle.

just another day on the job...all before 10:45am! again this is why i rely on drugs, alcohol,and Jesus.