mother's day reflection...

mother's day was last sunday, i didn't have much time to reflect that day...well i never have much time to reflect. (i usually like it that way, who needs extra time to critique themselves?) but since then, during the few minutes i have to myself, i began to think of all of the cheesy mother's day sayings that end up on cards and in commercials..."you're the best mom in the world", "i'm so glad you're my mom", "you do everything perfect"...you know what i'm talking about. i realized i am not that mom. i know, i know, no one is...but i'm really not and to prove it i thought i would make a list of all of the things that i do and don't do that make me..., well, a 'me mom':

• i don't typically make breakfast, the kids eat dry cereal


• i have a glass or two of wine every night...i have to
  
• i let the kids sip my wine (hazel love dry red and white, hank like dry white)


• i walk around in my underwear


• some days i let the kids snack all day and feed them no real meal at all


• we have no lasting bedtime routines, right now both kids watch tv in 'mommadaddees' bed until they fall asleep

• i don't believe in organic


• i work


• i take 'happy' pills, i have to


• i hide where i know they won't find me


• i let them wrestle even tho i know it will end up bad, just because it kills some time (no pun intended)


• i don't separate my laundry


• i hide things in drawers
  
• sometimes i just drive with the kids so i don't have to play


• i turn my head when they are making a mess, if it keeps them busy


• i let the kids jump on furniture


• my kids think that mini-corn dogs and fish sticks are real food


• ranch dressing, syrup and ketchup are eaten with spoons at almost every meal


• i hide the kids favorite movies and books after the hundredth or so times i've had to watch or read them
  
• i talk on the phone


• i will NEVER measure up to my mother

...but i'm happy and i believe my kids are as well. i pray that all of the lovely mothers that i know are appreciated everyday. keep up the great work!

thirty...what's up????

thirty, i've wanted you...
thirty, i've lied and pretended to be you...
thirty, i have two children and a mini-van...
thirty, how i've longed to claim you...
thirty, how i've envied those who counted your years...

why-oh-why, oh-thirty have you treated me so?

thousands of people are ashamed to be you...
thousands of people never claim you...
thousands of people spend their pay checks to fight your doings...
thousands of people curse the day they meet you...
thousands of people refuse the children, shrug off the mini-van...

not i, oh thirty, not i !

why when i have embraced you oh thirty have you shunned me?
why have you seen me sick and in bed, unable to fully enjoy your wisdom, your light?
why have you made me fall every day since i have claimed your years?
why have dozens of cups of coffee not made it to my lips?
why are my children remaining in their "terrible" somethings?

why-oh-why, oh thirty have you treated me so?

thirty was supose to be my time to shine!
thirty was supose to bring me womenly grace!
thrity was supose to make me...well rhymes with forney!
thirty was supose to clear up my skin at least!
thirty was supose to give me the chance to do all things i never thought i could do!


why-oh-why, oh thirty have you treated me so?

instead i fall...
instead i spill coffee...
instead i get sick like a 90 year old...
instead i break my toe (and those of you who have seen my big toes, know that is no easy feit)
instead i now say, "BRING ON FOURTY...F&#K!"

escape

i must apologize for my recent lack of blog material. things have been going well, and by that i mean slow and slightly mundane...even with 2 toddlers. there has been one bright spot in my life and i am no longer embarrassed to admit it.

I'M A TWILIGHT SERIES JUNKY

i've always prided myself in being unique, against the grain...not someone who follows current trends in television or pop-culture. i have given all that up for these poorly written, teen romance-vampire/werewolf books.

that's right...my name is Andrea Lemon and i'm addicted to Edward, Bella and Jacob. (the main characters in my new fav. books)

i unfortunately have read all of the books now and going through withdraw but for that short period of time i was able to escape into an unfamiliar world. a teenage world where your biggest problems are fitting into high school and well, in bella's case not getting the life sucked out of her. but those of you who are mothers, wives, co-workers...ext. get my drift. i could set aside my house hold duties and enter a world where no one needed me and i was able to fall in love with a perfect "gentleman" (ie. vampire and/or werewolf), be treated like a princess and consume myself with someone else's problems...or at least daily dilemmas, do i become a vampire or not, do i skip this next class, when will i be able to sneak out of the house again...

everyday life for many of us is mundane, old, tiring, stressful, painful...a good escape is needed every now and then and i am thankful to stephanie meyer for creating such an easy escape.

i am looking for another escape as we speak and am taking suggestions...

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY CHILD?!?!

i am so angelina jolie i the movie changeling...well, i think, had i actually been able to get out of the house to watch the movie. so anyways, I AM ANGELINA, and i have lost my child and he has been replaced with another. the two boys may look similar but their personalities are sooo not the same. let's compare the differences:

MY HENRY:

• delightful
• plays independently
• enjoys spending time with family and friends
• says please and thank you
• follows directions, at least after two requests
• watches "his" shows happily
• loves going shopping
• loves going anywhere
• loves roxy

CHANGELING:

• whines
• cries
• complains
• hits
• screams
• yells
• kicks
• whines
• refuses to do anything!
• hates any tv
• hates books
• does not respond to anyone but mom
• throws things
• whines
• calls parents 'stink butt poop heads', 'stinker butt', 'peanut butter face'...
• hates all babies, 'all they do is toot and take my things'
• hates hazel
• wants to get rid of roxy for a big, cool dog...or two white bunnies, like max and ruby
• whines
• won't attempt to dress himself
• hates all clothes he owns, all too small or too big
• hates all food

if anyone has heard anything about where my henry has disappeard to please let me know. he is extremely missed and this new child seems to spend a lot of time in the corner!

our precious "CRAZEL"

(our fashionista choses her own outfits...which always includes a tu-tu and a hat, should i worry?!)

the more i get to know my children the more i am struck by the fact that God has made these little people...well, little people. they have their own thoughts, their own ideas, their own personalities, and nothing we do can change that. now we, as parents or people close to the children, can provide them with safe environments, new experiences, "proper" educations...but kids are who they are, and that's that.

here's a look at hazel AKA "crazel" or zee:

she is perfect when it comes to eating, sleeping, sharing, helping, bathing, going out...she is the happiest child i've ever come across. that is as long as she is getting her way! she is also the most determined, head strong child i've ever met. she sees all, hears all and she fears nothing! she has a great sense of humor and a naughty twinkle in her eyes. i believe, if she could speak full sentences, her motto would be, "BRING IT ON!"

at 19months i love her more and more everyday and can't help but laugh at her every move.

an ode to my boots

"I'VE GOT SOLE - AN ODE TO MY BOOTS"

From hell to Heaven in the blink of an eye
That is the way my racing thoughts fly
When I look at the month of long struggles I’ve had
Of times that were rough, of nights long and sad
And my mind starts to turn to an unhappy place
There is one bright spot, that brings a smile to my face

I GOT MY BOOTS…..AHH

My holiday season started out as it should
With Thanksgiving, but not one that was good
My wish and my dream was a peaceful nights stay
In a Chicago hotel and museums the next day
No cooking, no stress, no in laws, no bother
No long drawn out, non-drinking dinners with mother
But this did not happen, we had the whole deal
The guilt trips, the bitching and, oh yes, the meal!
BUT….

I GOT MY BOOTS….AHHH

Next in my timeline of holiday fun
Came barfing and bathroom trips (not number one)
I spent 24 hours feeling like hell
My beautiful toilet, I know it all too well
We became fast friends, that bowl and I
As I sat down or hunched over and prayed I would die
BUT

I GOT MY BOOTS…..AHHHH

I had to go on a conference that week
If I canceled last minute, my dear friend would freak
So I dragged my sick ass to Chicago again
Sat through eight hour meetings, I thought wouldn’t end
Two days worth of meetings on boys who are “mean”,
Um…Do you know where I work?, Do you know what I’ve seen?
So I wasted my time and was so sick and tired,
But what can you do when its go or get fired?
BUT

I GOT MY BOOTS…..AHHHHH

Upon coming home from my long, boring meeting
I felt some relief, but alas, it was fleeting
You see, I drove through a blizzard to get to my door
After all that stress, I wanted nothing more
Than to spend time with my kids, talk, rest and play
And decorate my house for the coming holiday
So I opened my door and said “Hi, I'm home”
And it was like I stepped into the next twilight zone!
BUT

I GOT MY BOOTS…..AHHHHHHHH

My comfort, my lived in appeal was no more
And there was a strange new wreath hanging on my front door
That’s right satan’s elves had struck in my house
And not a damn thing was dirty! (not even a mouse)
Sterile is how they left my abode
The counter, the carpet and yes the commode’
Perhaps the biggest kick is the ass
Was the new Christmas stuff, that had appeared just as fast
BUT

I GOT MY BOOTS….AHHHHHHHHHHH

Speaking of ass, it was around this time
That there was a small problem with that dog of mine
An impacted anus to be more precise
And fleas up there too, now isn’t that nice?
So I let Roxy down too, much to my shame
And she has never looked at me exactly the same
BUT

I GOT MY BOOTS….AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Last week of work, I thought, I can make it
Then I got sick again, thought GOD, I CAN’T TAKE IT!
Missed work for a week at home in my bed
Checked in to a hospital so I didn’t end up dead.
It was there that I met Wanda and Delores
And then they did surgery on my (rhymes with flitorous)…..Just kidding
Delores wore depends and liked dirty movies
Wanda had a bed pan, but could wipe her own booty
BUT

I GOT MY BOOTS….AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I finally come home, but missed Christmas Eve
And Christmas Day I slept more than you could believe
My entire break, I was too tired even too drink
Really didn’t even have the energy to think
Of course I still had to have sex, and perform wifely duties
Wipe snotty noses and wash stinky booties
Then to top it all off for my holiday thrill,
My husband and both kids, of course, all fell ill.
As I tended to my loved ones, and my mind started to go
I remembered those boots, and how I love them so
For better, for worse in good times and bad
I will be here for you boots, you’re all I truly have